To say that this weekend was “interesting” might be the understatement of the year…but that being said, I’m going to attempt and convey a few thoughts I had over my weekend…that brought me to the so called “vale of tears”
Well, after Confession (with my usual child like joy after hearing the “I absolve you” part of Confession)…I went home, where I attempted to do this thing called sleep.
Now before you get your hopes all up, let me say, I’m not St. Paul, nor am I St. Theresa of Avila and didn’t have some radical vision or anything like that, but I will say this…
a. I dreamt of the heavenly choirs of angels rejoicing after my Confession. (You know that whole heaven rejoices over one repentant sinner thing)…The choirs of angels were chanting the Gloria from the Missa de Angelis…If you want an idea for how it sounded to me in my head, imagine the Poor Clare Nuns from EWTN, only infinitely times better. The hearing of the Gloria brought me to tears of the heavens rejoicing in the fact that I’ve renounced my sinful past. Like the 15 Ton pack of bricks that I had been carrying had been lifted from my back had been lifted from me and sent away to be banished forever.
b. The tears continue as the angels lift me and place me in front of the ex-best friend (which I will NOT link for the purposes of this blog)…As if to say now is the time where your wounds from this person will heal, if you’re open to it. In the complete awkwardness of this moment, I lay my heart out in the open with everything that’s been going on for the past 7 years 2 months and 13 days (as of the date of the dream), all the pain, all the sorrow, the joy and the sufferings expressed though my own tears of sorrow (and this coming from a person who does NOT cry)…and suddenly the tears of sorrow stop…the 3 words I never thought I’d hear come rushing her soul…The Holy Spirit gave the assist to this person to say what needed to be said and once again the angels break out in song, only this time it’s the Sanctus, and all fell and Adored the Lord…I felt myself able to get up and finally lift the daggers that have pierced through my heart, all 67 of them a la St. Sebastian. (though I don’t think he had 67 daggers). And without pain I was, freely able to give of myself…. ****
c. Then I was transported to the TLM for the Sunday Mass* where next to me was a lady in a white veil**. Unannounced to me was the fact that she was also a mathematician***. (a la yours truly), and yearning to love the TLM. Little did I know it was the same mathematician that I met on Friday. (I have a soft spot for mathematicians)…Never had I seen a veil with such radiance (not counting Our Lady)…and hence yours truly was in tears most of this dream…
*Reality comes around on Sunday, and you know how sometimes the readings just a real downer? (the one’s that get you all guilty inside)….let me share the epistle from the 15th Sunday after Pentecost
Gal 5,25-26; 6,1-10
If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not be made desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying on another. Brethren, and if a man be overtaken in any fault, you, who are spiritual, instruct such a one in the spirit of meekness, considering thyself, lest thou also be tempted. Bear ye one another’s burdens; and so you shall fulfill the law of Christ. For if any man think himself to be some thing, whereas he is nothing, he deceiveth himself. But let every one prove his own work, and so he shall have glory in himself only, and not in another. For every one shall bear his own burden.And let him that is instructed in the word, communicate to him that instructeth him, in all good things. Be not deceived, God is not mocked. For what things a man shall sow, those also shall he reap. For he that soweth in his flesh, of the flesh also shall reap corruption. But he that soweth in the spirit, of the spirit shall reap life everlasting. And in doing good, let us not fail. For in due time we shall reap, not failing. Therefore, whilst we have time, let us work good to all men, but especially to those who are of the household of the faith.
As you can see the reading is totally cheerful 😉 and designed to make you feel all warm and fuzzy…I heard the same readings yesterday at a talk that I went to on freedom in Christ given by Fr. Robert OCD. I think God wanted me to hear something..well, He got that message through loud and clear…
**As for the lady in the white veil, well, reality came and twas surrounded by 2 ladies in white veils. (And yes, I know both of them). The two of us along with Fr. Jan OCD went to lunch at Thwoleys in Alhambra. One of them may be considering religious life. The other, I’m not sure about. Afterwards we went to Carmel (Alhambra location) and visited the Carmelite Sisters of the Most Sacred Heart and saw Sr. Kim Marie OCD, and Mother Marie OCD. They (the ladies) had a chance to tour the chapel. (I have already been to the chapel for Daily Mass once before). There was profession the day before, and I for one was glad that the Holy Spirit had a different plans for this day than I did…
***I don’t want to say girls are of the devil as they aren’t…But if there was a compelling reason to continue suffering in liberal beyond belief Ca…she’d be it…(I’ve already applied to schools in MT…)…She’s interested in Liturgy, and I’m thinking of starting a Young Adult group on Liturgical Studies…keep that in prayer for me :)….
Some of you may ask, why do I mention this in a public forum? Well, it’s my blog, lol, but besides that, I feel that life is easier when burdens are blogged about….and the ex best friend is a burden whose time has come, I have a feeling it will soon be vanquished….
In the mean time keep praying for me, I need all the prayers I can get…Pax Vobis
**** For those of you wondering who in the world this ex best friend is, here, here and here is some context. Though I must warn you, these are really bitter and much different from my view points now….if the middle sounds similar to this, now you know why. ..These were written before my reversion back to Catholicism….hopefully they sound nothing like me now.