I apologize for not writing much lately, there’s been much on my mind, and the heart hasn’t been there to finish everything lately. But as promised I’d write my yearly reflection.
a. Vocation is a continued struggle.
I often say that any vocation that doesn’t involve the Passion of Christ isn’t a true vocation. As many of you know I’ve been discerning whether I’m supposed to be a priest or not. I’ve had the pleasure of meeting Fr’s Erik, Leo, and Cory during the course of the year.
2009 was quite a challenging year, which I was glad that came to and end on Jan 1.
I often joke with friends that I’m trapped in the wrong century. That I’m more of a 15th century kind of guy rather than a 21st century guy. My Church view (as all of you know by the positions I advocate here) is very conservative.
I was always fascinated by an age so dark “the supposed dark ages” they were able to build the great Cathedrals that are in Europe. What was it that fostered such buildings? Why don’t we see the equivalents today? Could it be that the people actually had Faith in those days?
As a scientist, I’m used to structure and order, this structure and order often coincides with my Faith. I’ve never found principles in physics and mathematics to contradict the Faith at any given point. As a matter of fact math and science lead me to a fuller understanding of God.
One of the joys of a Catholic vocation is that because it’s not simply a job where you apply and do and involves real discernment, it allows you to develop relationships freely even with those that are discerning different vocations.
A fellow blogger and friend of mine Emmy who blogs over at Journey of a Catholic Nerd Writer and myself have gotten to know each other over the past year. I was able to go to one of the Masses she had offered for her Father who passed away this year. Where her brother thought that I was a priest already (by my attitude towards the Mass). I’m glad that I’ve been able to help. It’s been almost 8 years since I’ve lost my mother, it’s a difficult cross, but one I’m more than happy to assist her with in the loss of a parent. There are many times this year in particular where I do wish my mother was here (My dad isn’t Catholic). I must say that since the Mass that I was able to go to, I’ve grown to care for her like another sister. In the strictest sense I’ve been able to confide in her things I haven’t talked about on the blog, and I’m much appreciative of that fact, going through a journey alone isn’t something I want to do.
While I’m on the topic of younger sisters (which by the way, I don’t actually have any), I use this term very selectively. One of my dear friends has also grown on me to be like a younger sister I’ve never had (although she’s older than me by a few months, I’m way taller than her, so it works). As I’ve told her, it’s my mission to get her to Carmel one of these days. I’m very thankful for her friendship and support ever since I’ve been thrown out of my old parish for being way too Catholic.
You may ask, where’s your male friend? Well, believe me, my Spiritual Director has kept me on track with my spiriutality and things that concern masculine spirituality. It just happens to be that in my classes, I’ve had way more females than males, so my friends have been proportionate to that. And yes, there’s a men’s group that I do participate in to “balance” out in a sense everything else.
Of course with the good in relationships above, there’s also the bad. The year started off with some girl saying that she liked me, but never did anything to show that fact. I’m just one to believe that if you’re going to say something, then you ought to back that up. But then again, i should have expected failure. I should have known people didn’t mean what they said.
There was also of course the disappearance of the beloved Miss, as well as the time when my SD said that the girl I was going to ask out was from the devil, and that I disobeyed him, (silly disobedient son, I am, lol). Well, of course he ended up being right and I was able to get out.
b. So, I’m heading back
I spent a week in Montana with Fr Leo at the parish of the Immaculate Conception in Ft Benton Montana. I enjoyed my time there, and knew that I needed to go back to further figure out whether the Diocese of Great Falls is where I’m supposed to be. It’s going to be a 2 month retreat (from whenever I’m able to leave, that part is being arranged). I look forward to the winter. I heard it gets really cold, please pray for me while I’m there), I’ll be driving by myself this time, and taking my dear time to get there. More detail when I get around to writing on it…but I will be studying, working, and doing all trying to discern, where I want to live. Of course I’ll be stopping to visit my blogging friends, Tara, Adrienne, Fr Erik, on my way over there.
c. My predictions for 2010
There will be more TLM locations in Los Angeles, particularly in the San Gabriel Valley
The US Economy will crash
Radical Islam will be just like a Blue Dog Democrat, non existent.
Hope y’alll have safe and prosperous new year.